Tommy Mommy
by RockOnAdam
Summary: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff Mpreg...but not really..read, and you'll see what I mean!


*Ring ring...Ring ring*

Tommy: *picks up phone* Hey Adam...

Adam: Tommy...I need a favour.

Tommy: *sighs* What is it? Is it gonna be something weird and stupid?

Adam: ...Kinda...

Tommy: What the hell is it? Tell me!

Adam: I...okay, my wife can't make it to the...um...Lamaze class today...but she wants me to go get the information...but I need a 'mommy'...and all my lady friends are away...so...um...

Tommy: No.

Adam: OH COME ON TOMMY! Do me this ONE favour.

Tommy: No...this is the one thing you cannot make me do.

Adam: Yes, I freakin' well can! I pay you for playing in my band...if you don't help me with this one thing, I promise I will fire you.

Tommy: BLACK-MAIL! OMG I AM TELLING YOUR MOTHER!

Adam: PLEASE! JUST DO ME THIS ONE FAVOUR!

Tommy: FINE! Give me the time, then...

Adam: OMG PLEASE COME WITH ME...PLEASE...P- What did you say?

Tommy: I said fine...I'll go...

Adam: OMG thank you...meet me at one outside the clinic...a quarter after one...kay?

*At the clinic*

Tommy: *Standing with back against lamp-post, looking cool. A black convertible pulls up, and Adam gets out, holding a pillow and a wig*

Adam: Hey Tommy...thanks for doing this. Now...before we go in...we gotta make you more mommy-ish...put this on *hands Tommy the wig*

Tommy: *sighs and puts wig on*

Adam: Now... *Pins Tommy against lap-post, staring into his eyes sexily* Kiss me.

Tommy: Why would I do that? I'm straight...

Adam: Just...please...I'm all lonely...

Tommy: *sighs* Just once...okay? *kisses Adam passionately. Suddenly, he feels a weird sensation about his naval. He pulls away from the kiss and looks down at himself...his once flat tummy now has taken a very round shape, much like a baby bump* OH MY GAWD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!

Adam: *giggles* Congratulations, mommy...when's it due?

Tommy: OMG...I'm not actually...

Adam: *laughs hysterically* No, you freakin' are not! LOL! It's just a pillow...

Tommy: Thank gawd for that...*rubs pillow-tummy in an amused way, holding his hand to the base of his back, playing slightly* OMG she's kicking, Adam! Feel! *grabs Adam's hand and holds it to his 'bump'*

Adam: OMG it's too freakin' real! How the heck can a man be so much like a woman...just with a wig and a bump...this is too weird!

Tommy: *laughs* Nah, it's just a bit of fun...come on...lets go inside. This should be fun!

*Half an hour later*

*Class is sitting in 'circle time'...each daddy has to introduce himself, his wife and his baby*

Guy beside Adommy: Okay, my name is Kurt...and this is Susan, my beautiful wife...and that's our boy in there.

Everyone: Hi Kurt and Susan!

Adam: *Clears throat* Kay...I'm Adam-

Random woman: Aren't you that gay dude from American Idol?

Adam: I'm Bi, okay?! And I'm a worldwide star, girl, for your four one, one! *Clears throat* Anyways...I'm Adam...and this is buddy...Tommy...he's standing in for my wife today...and that's our pillow child in there...

*Several women smile at Adam, as though extremely happy he's there. Several husbands look uneasy*

Adam: OMG...what? What?! Why is everyone all weird?!

Tommy: *Is on his back with his head propped against Adam's tummy, holding both of Adam's hands and looking less than pleased, taking deep, cleansing breaths at Adam's command and looking at the ceiling*

Adam: Breathe...breathe...breathe...wonderful sweetie...you're doing great...in and out...almost there...good...

Tommy: Adam...shut up...I'm dizzy...don't make me do this anymore...please...*tries to get up off Adam* I feel really uncomfortable at the moment...I'm not playing anymore Adam...this is not fun at all!

*Lamaze teacher comes walking by*

Adam: *Trying to make a good impression, pulling Tommy back down* No sweetie...relaaaax...just breathe...come on...breathe with me*breathes in and then out slowly* That's it honey...good job...

Tommy: *Breathing with Adam, looking exasperated*

Teacher: Very good, Adam...good coaching technique. Taking control when you need to. Excellent. Gold star for you.

Adam: *Smiles to himself proudly*

*Adam is standing and Tommy has his arm around Adam's neck, also standing up, staring at floor, his free hand bracing his back, breathing deeply*

Adam: *Rocking Tommy slightly, speaking to him calmly* that's it, baby...breathe through the pain...good job honey. *Pets Tommy's hair fondly.*

Tommy: How do you know I'm doing a good job when this isn't even real?! It's hard to make it real when I don't feel any pain at all.

Adam: *Knees Tommy slightly in his area...not too hard*

Tommy: AHHHHHHHH! OH MY GAWD! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, ADAM?! *crossing his legs and trying to sit down, breathing quickly, trying not to cry* OOOOW! I HATE YOU, ADAM!

Adam: *Helps Tommy lie down* Breathe through it, Tommy...come on...in and out, baby.*touches Tommy's face with his finger, teasing him*

Tommy: DON'T TOUCH ME, PLEASE! AND SHUT UP! I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU ANYMORE* Huffs, folding his arms and looking away from Adam*

Adam: You'll come around...

*Tommy is now on all fours, panting and trying not to laugh out loud. Adam is massaging his back softly, equally trying not to laugh*

Teacher: Now mommy's...onto our backs again...

Adam: *Helps Tommy turn around, laughing* You're such a realistic momma, Tommy.

Tommy: *On back, in hysterics* Oh Adam...help me...I think my waters have broken!

Adam: *laughs and smiles at Tommy's wittiness*

Teacher: *annoyed* Boys! That's enough...

Adam and Tommy: *Stop laughing* sorry...

Teachers: Okay...now we're going to think about delivery. Mommy's, I want you to imagine your vagina is opening like a flower and-

Tommy: *Waves hand in air, grinning like a child* Miss! Please, miss, I have a question!

Teacher: What is it now Tommy?

Tommy: What if we don't have a vagina, miss?

Teacher: Imagine. it. Tommy. Most mommies do have one. Please. Have some respect.

Tommy: OMG I'm only saying! GAWD!

Teacher: Okay...and daddy's, you're gonna support mommy's head...and you're gonna tell her what to do. Okay? I shall come 'round and check you all out. Okay, go!

Adam: *Holding Tommy's head and smiling* Alright mommy, you ready?

Tommy: *Panting and laughing, spreading his legs wide* I think so...this feels real weird...especially with skinny jeans on...oh Adam...help me!

Adam: *Laughing* Okay...have you got your contraction?

Tommy: Yeah...sure...why not!

Adam: Okay then...push for ten seconds...ready? Come on! Push Tommy!

Tommy: *Laughs and strains face, putting chin to chest and squeezing Adam's hand*

Adam: Come on Tommy! That's it!...one...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten. Wonderful! Okay, breathe...pant...pant...pant...good boy!

Tommy: *Breathing quickly, looking up at Adam and smiling.*

Adam: *Smiling back* Kay...push again for me Tommy...

Tommy: *Panting* I can't do it Adam! *Laughs* Will you do it for me? Pwease Adamkins...pwease?

Adam: *laughs and has a face-palm moment, before saying* If only it were that simple, you know I'd take over honey...but we gotta get her outta you. So come on, push her out! You can do it!

Tommy: *laughs* I CAN'T ADAM! I JUST CAN'T!

Adam: You CAN! Come on, Tommy boy! Push, mommy!

Tommy: *laughs, screams and strains face again, grabbing his legs, chin on chest*

Adam: That's it, Glitter-baby! Good boy, Tommy! *tossles Tommy's fringe playfully, laughing*

Tommy: Stop. touching. me....*moans*

Adam: *giggles, keeping hands to himself* Then stop moaning...it's turning me on a little... come on now, baby...keep pushing. YOU CAN DO THIS, TOMMY! COME ON BABY!

Tommy: Ahhhhhhh...Oooooooh! OH GAWD! I CAN'T PUSH ANYMORE! I WANT THE DRUGS!

Adam: It's too late...she's coming! Come on, Tommy boy, push again!

Tommy: *Strains his face and bites lip* OW! OW OW OW!

Adam: Come on...go again, Glitter-baby! Big push...*putting a hand behind Tommy's back softly* one...two...three...four...five...six...seven...

Tommy: *lets breath out* EIGHT NINE TEN, AAAH!

Adam: Come on...and again, baby...*laughs at Tommy's pretend misery*

Tommy: OW! *Holds breath and closes eyes, gripping his pillow-bump and burying his chin in his chest, actually breaking a sweat*

Adam: Fantastic Tommy! One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...and ten...relax...good job, momma...good job. *grins and wipes Tommy's forehead with his sleeve*

*Teacher comes over to watch*

Tommy: *To teacher, breathlessly* can...you see...my baby?

Teacher: *smiles* Yep...I see her head, Tommy...keep pushing, honey...

Adam: Come on baby! You can do it, dude!

Tommy: *Grips Adam's hand and screams* F*CKIN' HELL! GET HER OUT OF ME, YOU A-HOLES!

Adam: *Puts a hand on Tommy's back to 'help'* Now now, Tommy...*to teacher* Ignore Mr. Potty mouth...he's hormonal.

Tommy: *Shutting his eyes and holding his breath, almost turning red and trying not to laugh*

Adam: *laughs* You're actually taking this quite seriously, Tommy...aren't ya? Right...come on...almost there...almost there, glitter baby. Push Tommy! Nothing's happening...you gotta push harder now, baby! Come on! Push, Tommy boy, push!

Tommy: *fiercely* I AM F*CKING PUSHING, B*TCH! SHUT UP! GO AWAY!

Adam: OMG TOMMY...Too seriously, dude...

Tommy: Sorry...

Teacher: *amused* Okay Adam...get Tommy to give me one last push, please...and then I'm moving on.

Adam: Okay...you heard her honey...one final push...take a deep breath...and let it out...

Tommy: *Breathes in deeply, and then out again.*

Adam: Now inhale...and push! Come on, boy! You can do it!

Tommy: *Strains and closes his eyes tightly, and huge smile on his face as he bites his lip and squeezes Adam's hand*

Adam: Come on! Push Tommy! Push! One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten...exhale.

Tommy: *Head falls back onto Adam's lap, as he grins at his own actual, real breathlessness and sweatiness...feeling like Super-woman*

Adam: GOOD BOY! ONE MORE TIME! Come on! Once more, Tommy! One last push! YOU CAN DO THIS! PUSH, BABY!

Tommy: I'M TOO TIRED! LEAVE ME ALONE! AND YOU SAID THAT THE LAST TIME!

Adam: Come on, Glitter-baby! ALMOST THERE! I promise! JUST ONE MORE! I PROMISE THIS TIME! COME ON! PUSH HER OUT! Almost there baby! She's coming! Just push, and she'll come out! I promise...you're SO close, baby...SO, SO CLOSE! Let's do it...*puts arms around Tommy's shoulders to 'help' again*

Tommy: *Wraps arm around Adam's neck and strains his face one last time, holding his breath and closing his eyes. He pulls the pillow out of his t-shirt, grinning widely*

Adam: GOOD BOY TOMMY! Well done, baby! I love you! *fondles Tommy's hair again* Wow...what a beautiful baby!

Teacher: Congratulations, it's a pillow.

Adam and Tommy: *Laughing*

Teacher: Well...I can safely say this. Your wife is in capable hands, Adam. You get an A+ for today's class.

Adam: Awesomeness!!

Tommy: What about me?! Huh? I'm the one that did all the hard work! I'm the one that just gave birth...except not really.

Teacher: *kneels down and speaks in a sexy voice* you get my phone number...Tommy. I like funny guys.

Tommy: OMG YAY!

*Class begins clapping. Adam and Tommy look up, realising now that the whole class have been watching.*

Teacher: That, class, was a very real example of what birth would be like and how a father is suppose to guide a mother in delivering her child...

Random father dude: Even if it was two dudes...

Random mother: That...was so...sexy...

Tommy: Kay...chillax...don't go into premature labour on us.

*Everyone laughs, Adam and Tommy smile at each other...realising friends can bond over almost anything*


End file.
